It's not worth writing a fanfiction, ie, a Smut, if not Comissioned
by Neil Idoyitshi
Summary: Now basically this is not a smut. I mean it's not. Honestly. Like don't even think this is a smut. I'm also going to add the next line because it is NOT a smut okay? So, just if anything. It's NOT a smut. Nothing sexual. I hope I made myself clear. [18 Adults only.] (This is basically here only to AFFIRM the fact that this is NOT a smut. Okay?)


[Yorozuha Shop Static Background]

"Giiii-in saaaan. Oh no please. Not my dress", Kagura's high pitched voice breaks the silence of the scene. "Ki-hee-hee China girl, now I'm going to violate you bitch", wafts a very evil voice of Gintoki followed by more erotic sounds by Kagura. "Ah-Ah-Ah Gin Sa-aaan, no not there. Please be gentle."

Shinpachi bursts through the door. "The hell are you people doing?". Gintoki is lounging on his chair while Kagura is rolling on the couch sucking on a sheet of seaweed, "Ieyaa. Don't make me suck you thin….Oh there's Pachi-boy. "Do you guys not take anything seriously?" fumes Shinpachi. Gintoki looks up clearly bemused, "Hora Patsuan, you see we're just recycling our static background and screaming erotic stuff because we're too lazy to actually do this smut, the perverted author above wants us to do." "And to me honest any cherry boy who's busting a nut at this fanfiction should just die. DIE SCUM", sceamed Kagura before rolling over and getting comfortable in her couch. Gintoki took out a strawberry parfait from his hidden locker under his desk and licked on it without any hint of relish.

 **[A/N: " I neither subscribe nor warrant to any action of potential fappers who die after reading this, It's merely the opinion of some non-existent character and does not in any way show the sentiments of the Author. Oh, And I love the fact that you're here. Keep on reading you pedop- I mean priceless reader"]**

Shinpachi turns white as a sheet. "Sm-smu-smut?". His Kimono is stained red as he ghost starts waving a YMCA flag above his body. Ghost looks at Gintoki and Kagura who is now snoring very loudly. He then looks at the camera. "OI YOU PERVERT OF AN AUTHOR. Why on Bandai Namco are we in an Eroge Fanfiction?"; The Ghost takes a large breath, "And what on earth is this camera bullshit? Why the desperate attempt to hide your pathetic writing?".

Gintama stands up, "Look, since we're already here. We should stand tall and face this insanity that this author is putting is through. "No, I think something else is standing.", quips Shinpachi who is now miraculously restored. He turns as dark as Piccolo when he found out about his mistake.

 _{Shinpachi: "We understand you don't watch a single normal anime. Why would you even try to make a weakass DBZ reference? Just Go on with your fanfiction. Quit the pretentiousness"}_

He looked at Kagura who was not sleeping peacefully. Then very robotically he painfully shifted his gaze at Gintoki. "GIN-SAN, you d-d-don't mean that were *gulp* going to *gulp* HER?". Camera zooms in thrice on Kagura's innocent face as Gintoki's and Shinpachi's faces darken with blackness.

 _{Shinpachi: Would you just fucking cut it out with the camera angles? Your viewers aren't gonna stay here for Gintama Clichés.".  
_ _Author: "Would you do me a favour and stop playing the straight man in my fanfiction? One more quick remark and I'm gonna get Jimmy Yamazaki to do your part".  
_ Shinpachi," But Author-san, isn't it like illegal to *ahem* fornificate with minors? I mean Kagura IS a minor".}

 **[SPECIAL FEATURE: SHINSENGUMI LEGAL CORNER]  
Hijikata: "So, here's me, the Shinsengumi Vice Chief, and I'm here to make laws fun for everyone".**

 **Okita: " Why are you dragging this? Just tell the that pedophilia is punishable by death and we the Dogs of the Bakufu will FUCKING CASTRA- (The rest has been censored by the Author who has no clue what he is doing at this point of time)**

 **Hijikata: "CALM DOWN YOU SADIST"**

 **Kondo appears and casts the Shadow Dimension card from Card Fight Vanguard. Okita exits from scene and existence. Kondo transforms into King Kong and is seen running towards the Empire State Building to complete his own franchise.**

 **Hijikata: " So, where was I? Oh yeah Lolicon. Basically a Lolita Complex, as we see. The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC) is an international treaty that legally obligates nations to protect children's rights. Articles 34 and 35 of the CRC require states to protect children from all forms of sexual exploitation and sexual abuse. The US State Department's 2013 human rights report labelled Japan an "international hub for the production and trafficking of child pornography." So basically we're not gonna make this another embellishment of pedophilia. Understand y'all?**

 **Author: "Umm, Thanks for the description. But I don't remember you being a character of this fanfiction? See.. You're not even in the character list above."**

 **Hijikata: " No sir, we're just doing our public duty. We, the Shinsengumi must thank you for this opportunity".**

 **Author: "No, No, No The pleasure is all mine".**

 **Hijikata : " Ie, Ie, It's totally our pleasure".**

 **Author : "No, No its-"**

 _{Shinpachi: ***explodes*** WOULD YOU GIGANTIC IDIOTS STOP WITH GREETING EACH OTHER AND COPYING THINGS FROM WIKIPEDIA? YOU HAVE A LITERAL FUCKING PORNO TO WRITE. There's like a plethora of people reading this clutching their Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon in their hands utterly confused at why they are even reading this STEAMING PILE OF CRAP at this point_

 _Author: "Oh. I totally forgot."_

 _Shinpachi: (fuming) "THEN WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WRITE A SMUT TO BEGIN WITH?"._

 _Author: "Okay worry not. I'll just use my Adminstrator privileges in the fanfiction to get a legitimate woman for you all._

 _Shinpachi: (terrified) What the hell are you gonna do now?_

 _Author starts fuming as red lines start crawling on this body as a transmutation circle appears around the author and a bigger one appears all around the Yorozuya store. Both transmutation circles start sipnning anti-clockwise. A third eye appears on the author with a Mangekyo Sharingan._

 _Shinpachi: (deadened) Can we please stop making more lawsuits and go back to the porno?_

 _Author: "Forgive me Gainax. But you haven't still given me the PSG season 2."_

 _Shinpachi: "GAINAX? WHAT THE FLYING FUCK YOU CANNOT BE FUCKING SERIOUS? THOSE TWO? OH FUCKING HELL NOOOOOO-_

 _Author: " **O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness, O evil spirit born of those drifting between Heaven and Earth. May the thunderous power from the garments of these holy delicate maidens strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger, shattering your loathsome impurity and returning you from whence you came! REPENT, HID**KI SO**CHI!** "_

 _A golden light showers into the bleak world of Gintama as Shinpachi screams, "OH FUCK NO THIS IS_ _ **NOT**_ _A CROSSOVER, OH KAMI-SAMA, please no more. This author is an absolute nutcase please not THOSE two ang—", as he was brutally interjected by a rough Okinawan accent, "Angels? You asked for us, Glasses-boy? }_

A rough hewn beauty with golden spun hair and feathered wings stood there with a glistening gun pointed at Gintoki and another one at Shinpachi. She was accompanied by a long haired goth who sensually dipped her index finger in Gintoki's parfait and liked it in an erotic manner. She looked at the Japanese Kanji the hung on Gintoki's table.

"SUGAR RUSH".

 **[A/N: So, that's pretty much my last fanfiction before April, cause I have my Sems approaching. I'll be sure to be updating very soon after that. And yeah sorry for the cockblock y'all, but I'll just keep it sweet and short as y'all think of what happens next.  
** **So Keep supporting and following, Love all you people. And see you right after the sems. Be sure to leave a commen-]**

 _[Panty: "Hey you. Yes YOU. I'm taking to you my dear author".  
_ _Author: "What the fuck? Didn't I just sign off?".  
_ _Panty; "BITCH not on my watch you aren't" ***yandere noises***  
_ _Author: ***gulp***  
_ _Panty: "So, basically you were going to run off after a blowing entry of ours? Seriously? You THINK WE'RE GONNA LET YOU DO THAT BOY?  
_ _Stocking: *Holds katana to throat* "Now,continue".  
_ _Author: Oh crap.  
_ _Shinopachi: " And now you've done it you nutjob".]_

[INSIDE OF YOROZUYA OFFICE]

Stocking holds a katana at Gintoki's throat. And continues to lick at the cream that drizzled from the side of the cold glass, "Hey, Panty, this universe also has quite good sweets". Panty sniggers.

Gintoki looks at Shinpachi wide-eyed, "Are you kidding me? Why the fuck are these slut—I mean, angels are here? Aren't they from another dimension? I mean you know, ANOTHER FUCKING ANIME?". Gintoki gulps hard. Shinpachi replied, " G-G-Gin san, it's all the fault of the edgy author". A dark pallor falls on their faces. Gintoki whispers, "You mean we're gonna do THESE BEASTS?".

Panty shoots Shinpachi square on his forehead as he slumps back. Gintoki screams, "PATSUAN? AND THEY KILLED YOU? SERIOUSLY? YOU'RE LIMP BEFORE THE ACTION? Now this is bad. So very bad.". Panty laughs as Shinpachi seems to be sprawling on the floor unharmed but shocked and chanting the Lotus Sutra, " NA MI MYO HYO REN GAY KYO NA MI MYO HYO REN GAY KYO NA MI MYO HYO REN GAY KYO-". Gintoki is in a daze, " Oh shit, Patsuan cracked".

Panty looks at Shinpachi. She is rabidly foaming from her mouth as she says, "Well, isn't he a cutie?". "Stocking, you do the older white haired dude. I'm doing this", she continued. Stocking sighed, "Meh, we'll when we're already here, I just might. Also this guy likes sweets too. Don't you, Sakata?".

Gintoki looks at the angels, "Ah? Yeah I do. BUT MORE TO THE POINT. What the hell are you deciding on your own?". "Who says we even wanna do the dirty with you slutty angels anyway?", he continued but with the addition of a slight blush on his cheeks. "And Shinpachi, are you okay? More so, YOU LOUSY AUTHOR YOU FORGOT ABOUT KAGURA. Wasn't she sleeping on the couch? You forgot her, you incompetent author".

[ Kondo Isao bursts into the scene and cuts a barrier in the fourth-wall with his Bankai and sends Kagura to Soul Society as he transforms into a badly hurt King Kong and goes back to his franchise]

 _{Shinpachi: (suddenly resurrected) "You IDIOTIC Author! You can't just use the same gag twice! And come up with some originality idiot! You just cannot do this every time this is inconvenient. We're already facing too many Lawsuits, Don't add to our pain, Idiot!}_

Shinpachi goes back to his vegetative state while humming the Lotus Sutra yet again. Gintoki composed himself and calmly faces the Angels. " Well, there's one thing the author did not take in mind before writing this?".

 **[Gintama Victory BGM plays.]**

"THE 1800 word time limit!", Gintoki proclaims proudly as the camera pans to the angels and the Shinpachi. "You people did not understand my amazing PG-13 plan!".

Shinpachi: "Gin san I'm very sure you just made that up".

Gintoki: "I'm just stalling. SHUT THE FUCK UP SHINPACHI".

Panty: "Tsssk. Next Time. That's a promise, Glasses-Boy".

Shinpachi: "Wait. THAT **ACTUALLY** WORKED?".

 **[A/N: Thanks Gin-san, I owe you one then.**  
 **Gintoki: Ah just don't continue this weird ass crossover. Thank God Shinpachi is still a virgin, He was sure to lose it if you wrote further.**  
 **Shinpachi: SAKATA-SAN! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? OH GOD WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?".]**

Katsura: "I was on standby during the whole episode.".  
Elizabeth: *raises signpost* " **SEE YOU NEXT TIME!** ".

 **[** **(MAY)** BE CONTINUED xD **]**


End file.
